At This Moment

Dear Baby, 

Before I jump into remembering the last several months, I want to focus on this moment.  As silly as it seems, Baby, you are our past, present, and future.  It's no secret that you were a surprise, and we are nervous (me more so than your Dad).  I thought I had life figured out, and I was very happy with where I was and where I was going.  You have rocked my world, and given me a new perspective.  

Now, it seems that my entire past - joined with  your dad's - had the purpose of preparing us for you.  Our education, our missions, our spiritual experiences, our love story, our family traditions, our patriarchal blessings, our personal progress - it all seems that these things were less for ourselves and more to prepare us to be good parents for you.

Our present is wrapped up in you.  My body has never been so sore, our bank accounts so empty, Taylor's career goals so important, as NOW when we are thinking about you.  We mark the hours by your kicks and movements.  I eat thinking about what you may want.  Taylor took me maternity clothes shopping yesterday.  You even dictate my wardrobe!  Every moment revolves around you.

And you are our future.  We don't make any plans now, without thinking about how you fit into them.  Our goals have adjusted.  The promise of a future eternal family is more relevant.  Our lives will never be the same.

I feel like I already know you a little.  I am excited to continue to get to know you.  I was in the temple a couple of weeks ago, asking my Heavenly Father why you are coming now, when I feel so unprepared, and how we could be good parents to you.  I was asking lots of questions, and I had a very clear impression that it is just not all about me.  I felt your little spirit tell me that even though I may not be ready, you are, and you are anxious and excited to come to this world and join our family.  I felt you assure me that you want us for parents, and that you will be patient as we learn together.  I feel that you are sweet, and brave, and patient, and noble.  I feel inadequate but honored to be your mother.

You are joining a family who loves you.  You have grandparents and great-grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends who can't wait for you to be here.  You will be loved til you can't stand it.

And know that your Dad and I love each other very much.  You are the product of love and commitment and service.  We are excited to grow together.

Love, 

Alisa